lutsinar luka sinis

gerimis mata jiwa mengalir,
dari dasar jiwa yang dalam,
hanyut lemas bila diselami,
jatuh tersujud kala direnang

hanya yang berani mampu bersentuhan,
tercapai pandang jatuh ke hati,
setiap baris ayat bersulam arti,
berlandas hikmah bukti hakiki,
merenung selam jiwa insani,
yang sesat berlari jauh dari diri.

kau mahukan kebebasan,
aku berikan haluan,
namun kau bukan malaikat yang taat akurnya.

lantas kau pun berlari mengejar apa mahu mu,
meredah kabut gelap dunia
arakian meragut jiwa pemulihan yang baru berkembang.

ku cuba bingkiskan sehelai demi sehelai kemungkinan alam,
Syaitan akan berpaling walaupun sedar akan kebesaranNya,
jiwa yang sabar juga akan tersungkur bila hampir limit teguhnya.

tiada lagi pesan hidayah,
hampir lenyap kiasan terngiang,
tiada ditegur silap dan salah,
mengudang mati rasa yang sayang.

Jangan pagarkan nikmatmu, kerna nikmat ada pada setiap nafsu yang hidup.
berhati-hati dengan nikmatmu, nikmat durjana merobek hidup.

It comes from inside

I need to control the desire.

the devil and temptation,
it burning and ready to go,
it should be stopped,
hmm.

Astaghfirullah.

i know how it end

Thank God i got a lot of resources. look's like the drama had begin. but this time i chose not to watch the drama because i already know how it will end. good luck to you persona.

Persona?
you're not that shining anymore.

someone like you

If you ever had a broken heart, you're about to remember it now. listen to this song

stranded in a sea of betrayal

i lost my Best friend last year. may 2010. Al-Fatihah to Johan Amar. no one can replace him, even the closest person like the love one couldn't be compare to him. until now, there is no one could challenge him. the loyalty, willingness to help, he is a great friend.

In a corporate world, even the friend you gather from your childhood cannot be rely on. not to mention the one who being in hard and cold while you're in college, donating your MARA allowance for a pack of cigarette to share, for meal. starving and share most of the thing together. i don't blame them for being selfish, but i am sad because when i need help they tend to disappear. i didn't ask for your money, i don't need your money. i just need mine back.

in case if one of you reading this. please don't bother to call me. i already lost my faith and trust on you. it's a very dangerous thing to lose. but i don't think so i need you guys anymore. just simply give whats mine and get lost from my world.

36 days of trial

I guess i'm not doing things i enjoyed for the past 8 months. I've been in up and down, struggling to keep my pace in relationship. try to earn extra wage to provide a comfortable lifestyle. i am amazed how much trouble financial irresponsibility can really cause.

I've been away from KL for almost 6 month. a distance relationship really kills me. the temptation to meet the love ones really make a cloud of whirl inside my head. in debt with MARA, Incomplete license to be paid and cost for being a commuter couple. not to mentions the daily month routines or special occasion to be celebrate.

i do have plans in my head, but every time when i want to implement the first step, things always got on my way. like those kind of thing i mentioned above. I guess what she said is true, maybe the time has come for us to grow apart and live the path of our own. do what i really wanted to do, buy things i wanted to buy, go to places i wishes for. i think i gave up my enjoyable life far to soon for a relationship. The time has come for me to take control again. i just need a lil bit of luck to make mass turnover. i had failed the 36 days of trial but the sip of it still can be use to deliver another step.

i hope i didn't spent my wit in a useless hunt.

May

May has come. 2 more days. Johan Amar.